The Things I Failed to See

It has been a struggle trying to figure out how to put this website together.

I’m not too sure of what I am doing, but I am trying.

My blog is called “Today, You’re Only Stronger”.

These words are a reminder. They are more true than my heart knows. They are truer than true. I didn’t know this a few months ago and today, it is still hard for me to see, but Today, I’m Only Stronger.

In the past few months, I’ve dealt with many change. Many struggles of heartache. Struggles of trying to keep myself positive. Struggles of failing to see the good in my situation. I was too busy trying to accept change. Trying to adjust. I was too busy trying to keep two people closer than ever…something out of my power.

Why did I have to be one of those two people?

Honestly, I pretty much lost a best friend and a friend in general. I didn’t lose this person to death or being across the world. I lost this person to insecurity.

I didn’t know my own worth. I was unaware of who I was to other people.

I lost this person to bad communication. I lost this friendship to long distance in our mindsets.

She, in her mind was over there, I was over here and for a while, this was how it was.

Long distance here, killed us.

I lost her to different people. I lost her because we failed to connect. We failed to see each other. We failed to be consistent in our everyday interactions. One day was a success. The next day was another tally mark under the failed column.

Time was never on our side. It played us, but if I’m being real, we played ourselves.

We became selfish at the wrong time. There was no balance between being selfish and selfless.

In the beginning, we gave up plenty, but we failed to give to ourselves.

Now, we give plenty to ourselves, we give plenty to others, but we fail to give to each other.

We were too far apart for too long and this was what I was afraid of.

I said this before, but I failed to see the good in my situation.

In these last few months, with all this madness going on, I somehow managed to build strong relationships. I somehow managed to find friends who validated my feelings. I somehow managed to find understanding people who reminded me to take care of myself. I found people who would sit with me as I cried. People who would walk with me as I moped around. People who provided me with good company and sometimes a place to sleep.

In exchange, I willingly gave up alone time. I wanted to be with people again. I shared music, provided an ear, gave input in their situations. I wanted to do little acts of service for them. Something I enjoy doing. I also provided them with a place to nap, too. This was a way to show them that they are always welcome.

If ever you’d like to escape, you can escape here.

This was me wanting to be there for others, but I, also wanting to show my love and gratitude toward them.

I failed to see all of this.

I couldn’t see the beauty in my situation. I couldn’t see the strength building inside of me. I couldn’t see the people who were ready to fight with me. The ones who were ready to fight my demons.

With the help of the right friends, my heart is much stronger than it was before. With the help of a greater truth. I am stronger than I was before. I have been with plenty of help.

Even when I failed to see the goodness, I was still strong in the midst of all the madness.

Today, You’re Only Stronger.

-Jocelyn

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One thought on “The Things I Failed to See

  1. […] in my first blog post, Jen, you were one of the people I failed to […]

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