Better Than Before

You did it. You finally did it.

Every time, I came up a little short. I failed to read my situation and I made the right move just a little too late.

Maybe this time, I did the exact same thing, but I trusted myself a little more. Though, the moves I made were still a little late, they weren’t as late as before.

I am f***ing proud of myself.

All this hurt that I felt. All the hurt I’ve felt this past semester, and in past friendships.

You got out of this one, Ngo.

I didn’t walk away immediately.

I wish I did.

I wouldn’t walk away first, but I walked away when I needed to. When I finally learned from my past mistakes and I listened to myself. I took advice from community. I let others in, allowing myself to create better relationships.

I’m learning and I can’t be anymore proud right now.

Good Job, Ngo.

Being honest, I am still a little hurt. I haven’t completely recovered. Things here and there are like shots to my heart, but this time, I’m a little different.

My tolerance has decreased, but for a good reason. Maybe you might not think it’s a good reason, but for my heart, it’s a good reason.

In some ways, I feel I’ve become a cold person, and I have, but it’s only temporary. I know how much love I have in me. It is still there.

My music still kind of expresses how I feel and I absolutely drown myself in sad music, but I am happier behind all the sad music.

The people I choose to surround myself with are a little different from the people from six months ago, and honestly, I wouldn’t want this any other way.

Tonight, I drove home while singing my head off, and I was reflecting on all the construction on this road I’ve been traveling on these past six months. I saw this urgent need for fixing and this time, instead of slowly passing by the construction or waiting for it to be done, my a** went out there and helped speed up the process.

Tonight, I am smiling. I finally had something positive to write about.

Tonight, I have found something I have been searching for.

None of that utmost unreliable sh*t.

No one will ever be 100% reliable, but I have found people who know how to care well. People who have constantly cared for my heart and well-being. People who have consistently cared for me well.

Thank you…you should know who you are.

Much Love,

Joce

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